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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596512">Blame</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAutte/pseuds/ectoBiologist'>ectoBiologist (FallenAutte)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Self-Harm, Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:47:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29596512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAutte/pseuds/ectoBiologist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:36 pm</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, John Egbert/Dave Strider (past)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Blame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="block">
  <span class="pesterlog">carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:36 pm</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY, EGBERT.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: what?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DAVE IS GONE.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: what do you mean by gone?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK? HE'S DEAD. HE KILLED HIMSELF TODAY.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: ........<br/>
EB: you're joking<br/>
EB: please tell me you're joking</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID.<br/>
CG: WHY WOULD I JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?<br/>
CG: MY MATESPRIT IS DEAD AND YOU THINK I'D MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT?<br/>
CG: YOU'RE EVEN WORSE THAN I FUCKING THOUGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: i'm sorry........<br/>
EB: that's just........<br/>
EB: so horrible<br/>
EB: wait<br/>
EB: why would you think i'd be happy about this????????</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW...<br/>
CG: MAYBE BECAUSE YOU HAD NO ISSUE CAUSING HIM PAIN IN THE PAST OUT OF SELFISHNESS THAT ONLY SUITED YOURSELF IN THE END.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: what are you talking about?<br/>
EB: wait is this about the breakup????????<br/>
EB: what the hell that had nothing to do with you<br/>
EB: i broke up with him because i needed time to figure myself out</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: FUCKING EXACTLY.<br/>
CG: YOU HAD YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU COULDN'T ACCEPT YOUR OWN QUEERNESS WHEN HE CAME OUT AS A GUY.<br/>
CG: AND BECAUSE OF THAT, YOU HURT HIM.<br/>
CG: AND I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT HAD *ANYTHING* TO DO WITH HIM SLITTING HIS FUCKING WRISTS IN OUR BATH TUB AN HOUR AGO.</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: dude<br/>
EB: i........</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DON'T BOTHER COMING TO HIS FUNERAL. YOU WON'T BE WELCOME.</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:52 pm</span>
</p><p class="block">
  <span class="pesterlog">Your head spins. You can’t breathe.<br/>
<br/>
Dave is dead?<br/>
<br/>
Dave is <em>dead</em>?<br/>
<br/>
Dave is dead, and it’s all your fault.<br/>
<br/>
It’s all your fault.<br/>
<br/>
It’s all <em>your</em> fault.<br/>
<br/>
You take a sharp inhale of breath and rip your glasses away from your face. The room around you turns blurry but you don’t care. The glasses land on the floor several feet away and shatter.<br/>
<br/>
You try to send another message to Karkat with your phone, but a pop-up comes up telling you that you can’t message someone who has you blocked.<br/>
<br/>
You throw your phone this time. It hits the wall and falls onto the floor and shatters next to your glasses.<br/>
<br/>
Realizing what you’d done, you don’t stand up to retrieve the items - instead, you curl in on yourself and struggle to breathe. Your breathing is fast, too fast, and it leaves you dizzy. You allow yourself to fall over on your bed, so you’re now laying on your side, still curled in a fetal position.<br/>
<br/>
You wail loudly. Your heart hurts, like it’s being squeezed. You can’t help but scream.<br/>
<br/>
Your head spins. You can’t breathe.<br/>
<br/>
You pass out.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p class="block"><span class="john">JOHN: hey, kanaya<br/>
JOHN: thanks for taking me in so late in the day<br/>
JOHN: especially for something so stupid</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: It Is No Problem<br/>
KANAYA: I Just Have A Few Questions For You</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: fire away</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Are These Injuries Self Inflicted</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: ........<br/>
JOHN: yes, they are</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I Feared So<br/>
KANAYA: Why Do You Feel Like You Need To Hurt Yourself Like This</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: um........<br/>
JOHN: i guess i've just been feeling empty<br/>
JOHN: and i feel guilty, too</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Guilty For What</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: dave's death........</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: I See<br/>
KANAYA: If It Helps You Feel Any Solace At All I Do Not Believe You Had Any Part In His Decision</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: but-</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: What Karkat Said To You That Day Was Done So Out Of Fear And Panic<br/>
KANAYA: He Needed Someone To Blame For His Loss And He Happened To Choose You<br/>
KANAYA: I Am Not Saying It Was Right Of Him But I Do Hope That This Helps Ease Your Nerves Some</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: ........<br/>
JOHN: how is karkat doing?</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: He Is Alright I Think<br/>
KANAYA: He Has Been Lonely And I Have Noticed Him Spending More Time Alone In The Dream Bubbles When We Pass Through Them<br/>
KANAYA: But That Is Enough About Him<br/>
KANAYA: I Am Sure Knowing About Him Will Not Help You</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: actually, i think it will help, but thank you</span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">KANAYA: Of Course<br/>
KANAYA: You Are All Set John<br/>
KANAYA: Thank You For Coming To Me<br/>
KANAYA: If You Ever Need Help With Anything Do Not Hesitate To Seek Out Me Or Rose</span></p>
<hr/><p class="block">
<span class="pesterlog"> ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:27 am</span><br/>
<span class="john">EB: jade<br/>
EB: i'm sorry........<br/>
EB: i know i've been distant<br/>
EB: and haven't been talking to anyone<br/>
EB: and i feel i need to provide an explanation<br/>
EB: ever since dave died, i've felt something inside me die with him<br/>
EB: and i've never been able to get over it<br/>
EB: part of me feels to blame<br/>
EB: actually, a lot of me feels to blame<br/>
EB: i can't really explain it<br/>
EB: actually i can<br/>
EB: since i broke up with him he just hadn't been the same<br/>
EB: and i feel horrible for that<br/>
EB: i feel like i broke him<br/>
EB: and when he finally shattered, i have only myself to blame for adding to the cracks<br/>
EB: so once he died, i died with him<br/>
EB: and i have nothing to really say or do to fix that because there's nothing to bringing back someone who's dead<br/>
EB: so i guess i just need to apologize because of what i did to hurt dave<br/>
EB: and again for what i'm about to do<br/>
EB: i hope to see you guys again some day<br/>
EB: whenever that will be</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:38 am</span>
</p><p class="block">
  <span class="pesterlog">You set the phone down and pick up the gun.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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